The Moment
by mpaige13
Summary: The moment when Craig Dean fell for John Paul McQueen will be one that he will always remember. And it was long before John Paul confessed his love for Craig. Craig has to deal with his feelings and doesn't understand why he wants to kiss his best mate.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

My name is Craig Dean. I'm 18 years old and I go to Hollyoaks High School. I really should have graduated but I had to retake the final year. When I returned to Hollyoaks I met my best mate, John Paul McQueen. I was rude to him and he didn't seem offended which took me by surprise. He even pulled the fire alarm to help me get away from Sonny. Then he walked off and I followed. Ever since that day, we have been inseparable: best mates. I don't know what it is but there's this strange attraction that makes me just want to be near John Paul. Wait, attraction sounds too much as if I have a crush on him. And I don't. Do I?

No, I definitely don't have feelings for John Paul. He's the greatest friend that I have ever had, could ever ask for. That's it. I mean he's a guy and I'm not gay. I'm not. I have a beautiful girlfriend named Sarah and he has a girlfriend named Hannah. We like girls. But I do remember the moment when I started to have doubts, to start to feel something more for John Paul.

I hate first dates. They are absolutely horrifying. I put on my suit and adjusted my tie. My mum sprayed cologne all over me and I coughed in response.

"Come on Craig, we need you to smell lovely for Sarah. She's a fantastic girl, love."

"Mum, I don't want her to faint from the fumes."

"Ok, I see your point," she said as she coughed as well and exited my room. I looked at my reflection when I heard my phone vibrate. I checked it and smiled. It was from John Paul and read 'Hey! Good luck tonight mate!' He was hoping that things would work out between me and Sarah because he wanted to see me happy. He's such a good friend. Maybe if Sarah becomes my girlfriend, I can hook him up with Hannah, her best friend. I've noticed that she might have a thing for John Paul. I texted him back a thank you and headed out the door to pick up Sarah.

"Hi," she said. She was wearing a striking red dress that clung to her thin frame. Her hair was pulled into a loose bun with small brown stands grazing her cheeks and neck. Her makeup was a little heavy but it complimented her dress. Sarah Barnes was breathtaking. Literally, I couldn't breathe. "Craig? Are you alright?" She looked concerned.

"Hi," I muttered. Stupid Craig. We gave each other an awkward hug.

"You smell good," she told me.

"So do you. Um, shall we go?"

"Yeah. Where to?"

"I've booked us a table at Il Gnosh."

"Oh."

"If that's alright." I was getting worried.

"Yeah, sounds perfect." I smiled and so did she. God, I would love for her to be my girlfriend. I would get tons of jealous looks form all the guys in Hollyoaks.

We were seated on the new outside patio at Il Gnosh eating pasta. It was so good that I kept shoveling it into my mouth. We were talking about absolute nonsense because when we got started on a subject somehow we would just kept getting stuck in these random awkward pauses. It was as if we couldn't remember what we were talking about. I just kept staring at her face. Her eyes were beautiful. She could definitely be a model. Me, Crag Dean, and his model girlfriend. Her phone vibrated and she checked her text message. It was from Amy, her sister. Thank goodness. She needed to call Amy so she went to the bathroom. Yes! I needed time to think to figure out what to say next. I really liked her, right? Then why couldn't I figure out what to say next. Hmm, maybe I could talk about school. Wait, that's all we've been talking about. How about movies? Yeah, good one Craig Dean. That topic could get a girl talking forever. I twirled some pasta on my fork when I noticed a familiar figure walking down the street nearby. It was John Paul.

He was walking slowly and smiling. I've never seen him so happy and so alive. I wanted to shout his name but I thought he wouldn't be able to hear me and it wasn't very polite to do in a fancy restaurant. I was in awe. He was in his own little world and a text message forced him to look down and blush, sending a deep red tint to his cheeks. God, I never noticed how light his skin was and how blonde his hair was. He began walking again when he was tapped on the shoulder by someone. I stood up in my seat to get a better look. I needed to see what was making him so happy.

It was Hannah. He pulled her into a hug and she leaned her face up and kissed him on the lips. It was soft and innocent but John Paul pulled her into it more and he ran his hand down her back. My mouth fell open and I leaned against the back of my chair for safety in fear that I would fall over. There was an emotion that I haven't felt in a long time raging through me. It was envy. I wasn't sure what was going on but I knew I didn't like it. Somehow I wanted nothing more than to pull her away from John Paul. But why would I want that? They ended their kiss and she slid her hand into his and they walked in the direction of his house. I wanted to run after them. To stop them. What was wrong with me? I should be happy for him. He is happy so I should be too. But I wasn't.

Sarah returned to the table and apologized for leaving. I mumbled something in response but my mind was elsewhere. I was wondering what John Paul and Hannah were doing. I guess they're dating now. Sarah kept rambling on about nothing important and I just nodded and tried to look interested. I wanted the date to end so I could see John Paul.

When we were done, I walked her home. She held my hand and it was nice. Yet, somehow I thought it would be more or that I would feel more. We arrived at her door and she expected a kiss. I leaned in, hoping that my breath wasn't that bad, and gave her a soft peck. I wanted to make sure that she knew that I wasn't rushing her. It was actually quite good. Her lips were soft and her cheeks warm. She leaned back and wished me a goodnight and I did the same. When I got home, I took off my tie and sat on my bed. What do I do now? My mind kept creeping to the moment at the restaurant when I saw my best mate. I kept picturing his smiling face and it made me smile. Ugh, stop that! What was going on? What was wrong with me? I got the girl and I got the kiss. That should be enough. I couldn't suppress my urges anymore and got out my cell phone. I sent a message to John Paul, asking what he was up to and said that we could hang out if he was free. I waited patiently for a response. I waited ten minutes. Ugh, why was this taking so long. I started pacing my room. When my cell vibrated, I lunged at my bed. Flipping open the front, I smiled with relief at the name. John Paul.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

My palms were sweating as I opened the text message from John Paul. It read, "I can come over now if that's ok." I couldn't type back any faster and hit send. All I could say was "Now is perfect." God, I need to stop being so anxious. It's just John Paul. I mean, he's my best mate, not my boyfriend. Boyfriend. I shouldn't be thinking that word because I'm not gay. I like Sarah. We had a great time on our date and I got the kiss I always wanted. That should be enough for now at least.

I closed my cell phone and walked out of my bedroom. I went down to the pub and looked outside at the street. The minutes slowly went by and I began to wonder what was taking him so long. I needed to calm down. I took a deep breath and walked to the table with my back to the front door. I needed to not look because I didn't want to seem desperate. I turned my phone over repeatedly in my hands. The door opened and I practically jumped up out of my seat. I turned around to see Darren walk through the door.

"Excited to see me, Craig Dean? I'm shocked."

"Very funny, Darren, I thought you were someone else."

"Hmmm, I'm sorry Craig but I can't be your next girlfriend. You're just not my type." He laughed all the way over to the bar and got ready for his shift. If only he knew how I was feeling. I slumped back in my chair and put my head in my hands. What was wrong with me? I don't like John Paul that way! I don't. As I was trying to not think of John Paul but I kept hearing his voice.

"Craig?" I finally turned around to see my best mate standing there. He was wearing a light blue button down shirt and faded jeans. Both items of clothing really brought out the ocean color of his eyes. His hair was blonde, as always, with a little lift in the front. He didn't look any different than what he normally looked like but tonight I saw him differently. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm just tired." I tried to speak well but it was sort of difficult.

"Oh, do you want me to leave?" He looked disappointed and I quickly refused.

"No, let's play a round of pool." He smiled and so did I. I followed him to the pool table and he set things up. Nothing was different. This night was the same as we always have. Yet, I felt closer to him. I _wanted_ to be closer to him and to look at him. These new feelings were making my stomach hurt. I needed to go back to the way things were. He picked up his cue and started the game.

"So, are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna tell me about your date with Sarah?" he chuckled and said this with his back to me. I immediately shifted my weight from my left to my right and rubbed the back of my neck (something I tend to do when nervous).

"It was fun. We had dinner at Il Gnosh."

"Wow Craig, that's fancy stuff. She must've been impressed. Did you kiss her?"

"Uhh, yeah a quick one when I walked her home." I was seeing if I could judge his reaction. He hit two balls in the corner pocket. Then John Paul leaned on his cue and smiled at me.

"That's great Craig. I'm really happy for you. She'd better treat you well or else I will kick her tiny butt. That is if my sisters wouldn't kill me for that." He laughed and gave me a pat on the side of my arm.

"Nah, I think I can handle myself." I laughed quietly.

"You sure about that, Craig Dean? I do recall one time, not too long ago, when I pulled the fire alarm at school for you so you wouldn't get beat up." He smirked at me and I scowled back.

"Hey! That was a long time ago. Well, I have grown up a lot since then. Anyway, we're probably gonna go out again soon." I looked at him for any hint of jealousy but he just smiled.

"That is absolutely fantastic! You've wanted this for a long time. Good thing you manned up and went after what you wanted." He looked at me with this genuine expression and I stared into his deep blue eyes. Going after what I wanted. That was definitely harder now.

"Yeah, I really like her. She's beautiful, smart, and funny." I said, attempting to not only convince John Paul, but also myself.

"Smart, Craig?" he looked at me, skeptical.

"Ok, well maybe not book smart. Ok, you know what? Nevermind." I pouted and crossed my arms.

"Craig, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." He looked at me all innocent and he was immediately forgiven. He's lucky he's so damn cute. Gah! Stop that, Craig!

I must have been making strange facial expressions while saying that in my head because John Paul was staring at me with a confused look on his face.

"Are you sure you're alright, mate?" he looked worried.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about me. I'm curious as to what you have been up to tonight. Go on, John Paul. Spill." I needed to hear from him.

"Well, you know the usual. Nothing really exciting ever happens." He went back to playing pool. Why was he lying? I saw him with Hannah. I watched them kiss.

"You didn't hang out with anyone?"

"Well, yeah I did actually. Hannah and I went out." I tried to hide my unhappiness at this fact.

"That's surprising. I didn't know that you two were friends."

"Well, it's sort of new. Kind of like you and Sarah. We just started talking and we decided to hang out and I kinda like her." I gulped.

"So are you two dating?"

"Well, we're not official or anything. We hooked up a few times," he muttered and hit another ball into the corner pocket. This was news to me. Hooking up? My face grew hot.

"How long? What did you guys do?" I had so many questions that I wasn't sure I was ready to be answered.

"Nothing major. I'm not a slut, Craig. Or whatever the male equivalent is. Manslut? I am definitely not a manslut." He chuckled to himself.

"Ok, maybe you're not a manslut but you should really go out with her on a proper date. How about you, Hannah, me, and Sarah go on a double date next weekend?" Please say yes.

"Ok, yeah that should be fun. You really wouldn't mind me crashing a night you have with Sarah?"

"No, not at all." Maybe I said that too quickly.

"Well, if you're sure then yeah. That would be great." He smiled at me and checked his phone. "Oi. I gotta go. Waking up early tomorrow. See ya Craig."

"Yeah." I said a little sad. He noticed my change in demeanor and began talking again.

"Craig, I'm really happy that you and Sarah are getting along so well. You are my best mate and I care about you." He smiled and squeezed my shoulder. "Come here." He pulled me into this unexpected warm hug. He smelled like shampoo, cologne, and mint. A mix of fragrances that was so intoxicating it should be illegal. He pulled back too soon and looked into my eyes. "Goodnight, Craig." He then waved and walked out the door.

"Goodnight, John Paul. Sweet dreams," I whispered to the night. He was gone for now.

I did not know how to describe tonight. My feelings for John Paul were becoming more evident to myself. It had to stop. I needed to cease thinking about him and suppress the urge to kiss him. God, what is wrong with me? I'm not supposed to think about my best mate like that. You're not supposed to fall in love with your best friend. It would never work anyway. He's not attracted to me that way. He really likes Hannah. He told me so. He's straight. And I'm? I don't really know. Argg. You know what? I'm not gonna think about John Paul that way anymore. I can't. We are just friends and that's all we will ever be. Yet somehow as I was staring into the night, I could still be excited for the double date.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Craig, what are you doing?"

I turned around to see John Paul staring at me. He seemed really confused and I laughed a little to myself. Our friendship has not been long but it's the strongest one that I've ever had. I've never imagined that I would become this close to anyone let alone John Paul. What do I mean by 'close'? I'm not sure.

But I can't stop thinking about him so I'm hoping that tonight, on this double date we are going on, I will be too distracted by Sarah. No, John Paul is not my date. He's going with Hannah and I'm going with Sarah. As John Paul is looking at me, I can't help but think about how cute he looks. Dammit.

"Umm, I think I missed a button," I told him, gesturing to my crumpled up mess of a shirt. My mind was elsewhere when I was getting dressed so I'm not surprised that it didn't turn out right.

"Yeah, either that or it's eating you." He smiled and walked towards me. My breath became shallow as he reached out and grabbed for my shirt with both hands. My eyes opened wider as I watched him unbutton my shirt. He did it slowly, attempting to flatten out the wrinkles. My skin tinkled from his touch, under the fabric. He left the top button open and patted my chest. "Since you are obviously incapable of getting dressed by yourself," he muttered softly.

"Thanks mate." I looked in the mirror at my now perfect shirt and ran my hands through my hair.

"No problem, Craig." He pulled out his cell because it was ringing. Hannah was calling him. He answered and his face lit up. I can't stand her. How does she make him so happy? I watched as he finished the conversation with her. "Yeah, we're ready….sure that's fine…ok, see you in a few…bye."

"What's going on?"

"They're at Sarah's and they want us to wait ten more minutes. Girls take forever to get ready. You take a long time too." He chuckled and looked at me from the corners of his eyes.

"I do not take as long as them! I just want to look nice." I knew my excuse was pretty lame. "Ok yeah, I do take as long as them." This made him smile.

John Paul walked over to the corner and put on some music, then he laid down on his bed and I sat on the farthest corner from him.

"Apparently, Sarah is really excited to see you. What did you do to the poor girl?" He had his arms resting behind his head and was staring at the ceiling. I wanted to see if he was jealous but he just looked tired. Oh well.

"I don't know. I don't think I did anything."

"Well you must have done something. Personally, I think it's your charm."

"My charm?"

"Yes, your '_Craig Dean_' charm." I blushed.

"I didn't know I had charm."

"Course you do, mate," he told me. These compliments made me feel good and I could see him smile. But this didn't mean that he felt the same way I felt about him. I took a deep breath and rubbed the back of my neck.

"Well you know, I guess I am pretty damn irresistible."

"Sure you are, Mr. Dean." He laughed and smirked at me from the corners of his eyes. I felt this spark between us and prayed that he felt it too. His cell phone interrupted us and he picked it up with his eyes closed. "Yeah….ok…be right there. Let's go mate the girls are waiting." He gave me a pat on the arm and walked out. I followed.

We walked in silence to Hannah's house. I had no idea how to get there but John Paul knew the way. I wondered how many times he's actually been there. God, I have got to get these thoughts out of my head. He's my best mate. He likes Hannah and I like Sarah. And that is it. Yup, that's it.

"John Paul! Hi," Hannah exclaimed when she saw the blonde guy. She then looked over at me. "Hey, Craig. Sarah will be down in a minute." Girls really do take forever. I had to sit and wait while Hannah and John Paul cuddled on the couch. Finally, Hannah's bedroom door opened. I got up off the couch and walked to the staircase. Sarah appeared at the top and my breath became shallow. She was absolutely gorgeous. Her seductive dress clung to all the right places on her slender frame. Her dark hair was in loose curls that looked effortless. Her makeup was sultry. I had forgotten just how beautiful she really is. A small smile crept onto my face and I wanted to be near her. I knew that she was who I wanted.

"Hi Craig," she told me.

"Hello Sarah. What do you want to do tonight?"

"I don't know. I was hoping that you and John Paul had a plan." I looked at John Paul who just shrugged.

"I know what to do. Let's get dinner at Il Gnosh. I've always wanted to eat there," Hannah suggested. She looked really excited and squeezed John Paul's hand.

"Sure, if that's ok with you guys."

"Of course it's fine with us. It's really romantic there. Do you remember the last time we were there Craig?" Sarah responded and grabbed my hand.

"Course I do." She had no idea.

She laced our fingers together and it felt nice because he hand was warm. We all then left the house and headed down the street to Il Gnosh. When we got there, Hannah and Sarah decided to choose a table outside. A table that was right next to the one when Sarah and I had our first date. I was sitting next to John Paul and the girls were across from us. We ordered food and I listened to the conversation.

It was quite humorous actually because there was an argument going on. John Paul and Hannah were discussing music. Not surprisingly, John Paul was winning in my opinion. He was a DJ so he knew a lot of different kinds of music. I felt a tingle go up my leg and I glanced under the table. Sarah was brushing her foot up against my leg. Footsies at the dinner table! I was loving it. Sarah was distracting me from my urge to reach out and touch John Paul. Maybe I did like Sarah that way. I mean she's sweet, kind, and damn gorgeous. Any guy would love to have a girl like her to be his girlfriend.

As we were leaving, Sarah and I linked hands and walked very close to each other. It seemed like she wanted to be really close to me and I took this as a good sign. My brow began to sweat as we got closer to her house. I heard some giggles behind me and instinctively turned around.

"We're gonna go for a walk. You two have fun," John Paul told me with a big smile on his face. Hannah was blushing and playfully pushed John Paul's shoulder. I smiled back at him. Of course, I knew what they were gonna do but with Sarah standing in front of me, it didn't bother me as much. I watched them walk away and into the shadows of the night when I felt someone pull on my pants pocket. Sarah was two inches from my face. My breath grew shallow.

"I like you Craig."

"I like you too."

"Like a lot. I mean I like you a lot."

"Yeah."

She got closer and whispered two words. "A lot." She pressed her lips on my and we began to kiss. She smelled so good and her lips were so soft. I rested my hand on the small of her back. She pulled herself closer into me and I could feel her tongue snake around my mouth. I was in heaven. I reluctantly pulled away from the kiss because I didn't want to rush her. She bit her lower lip and grabbed the collar of my shirt.

"Do you want to come in, Craig?"

"Um, sure." We walked in the house and I looked around.

"Uh let me give you a quick tour. This is the downstairs. Do you want to see upstairs?"

"That was quick!" We both laughed because I knew what she wanted. Sex.

"Sarah, are you sure?"

"Positive."

I smiled and followed her up the stairs. Well you know the rest of my night. It was actually really great. She has this fantastically fit body. But I don't know; it felt as if something wasn't right. Maybe it's cause we are not dating. Yeah, maybe I would feel better if she was actually my girlfriend. I was walking home late when I got a text.

Hey, do you want to sleepover my house tonight? I mean if you're not busy or anything. – JP

I smiled because this was exactly what I needed maybe I could talk to John Paul about this. Maybe he can help me understand why it didn't feel right tonight. I mean it had to be because I wasn't her boyfriend. Right?

I answered the text as fast as I could and headed over to his house. When I got there, I was greeted by a smiling Myra McQueen, John Paul's mother.

"Evening, Craig. Did John Paul invite you to sleepover tonight?"

"Yeah. Hi Mrs. McQueen."

"How many times do I have to ask you to call me Myra? Come on dear, let's get you a bit to eat you look too thin."

"No thank you, I actually just ate."

"Right, I forgot. You boys had a big date tonight. How did that go?"

"Mum!" John Paul was standing at the top of the stairs looking horrified at his mother as usual. "I asked you not to bug him about that."

"I'm not bugging him! Am I bugging you?"

"Uh, no?"

"See, I'm just trying to be a hip young mother and get along with your friends."

"Mum, you don't have to do that. I like you just the way you are. We are gonna go upstairs now. Goodnight." He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and mouthed 'Go' to me. I turned and headed for the stairs.

"Alright, goodnight love. Goodnight Craig."

"Night Myra." I walked up to John Paul's room with him following behind me. He has a couch so I never needed a sleeping bag and I always borrow his pajamas. That was always normal until he gave them to me tonight. As I was in the bathroom changing, I smelled the fabric. Oh God, it smelled like him. These pajamas touched his body. Oh God! I have to stop these thoughts. I just had sex with Sarah. I like Sarah!

When I walked back to his room I saw him putting some blankets on his couch. He then moved it closer to his bed. This was new. He saw my confused expression.

"The couch was too close to the window and mine is broken so there is a draft. I'm looking out for you pal. Plus it's easier to talk when you are not so far away."

He got into the covers and turned off the light. There was a slight blue glow from a lamp that he always kept on and it looked great with his eyes. I have never noticed that before. We were sort of lying next to each other and he was staring at the ceiling.

"So Craig, did you have fun tonight?"

"Yeah, I like Sarah a lot. I mean she is perfect for me. She's fit and beautiful and has a great personality."

"Yeah, that's fantastic. I'm just really glad you're happy."

"Thanks John Paul. What about you and Hannah?"

"Well, I mean I like her a lot but I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

"I think it's too early for me to tell how I feel. I mean I like her I just don't know if it's enough." He looked at me then and I swear there was a spark. He took a deep breath and looked away. "I don't just fall in love with anybody."

"Yeah, I know." I watched him close his eyes and roll onto his side.

"Goodnight," he said faintly and then began to dose off.

"Night, John Paul. Sweet dreams," I whispered. I then fell asleep to the faded sound of his breathing.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I fell into a nice sleep but grew uneasy. I rolled over and felt a hand run down my chest. My eyelids flicked open and I stared up into the sleepy face of John Paul. He was sitting up and drowsily staring at me. His lips were moving slightly and he kept rubbing my chest. I looked down and saw that he was leaning against my legs. I sat up and propped myself on my hands. What was wrong with him? Why did he look that way at me?

"John Paul?"

"Don't Craig. Just don't say anything." He then leaned his face close to me and I could feel his breath on my cheeks. His eyes were bluer than I had ever imagined and I wanted him so badly.

"Are you alright?" I needed to ask him. Was he sure that he wanted to do this? I don't want him to think he made a mistake and regret it. He put his left index finger to my lips.

"I told you not to say anything." He smiled and licked his lips. He moved his index finger up and down on my lips and then slid it to my cheek. He cupped my face and leaned into me. I couldn't help but be in shock. Was this really happening?

I was paralyzed as I watched John Paul lean into me. I could feel his jagged breath on my cheek. I bit my bottom lip and saw his eyes glisten. He got closer until he gently brushed his lips with mine. An instant spark was shared between us. And he pulled away.

The look of shock on his face was unmistakable. I was surprised too. I wasn't expecting it to be so damn good. With Sarah, it was nice but nothing like it is with John Paul. I want him more than I ever wanted anything or anyone else in my life.

He was staring at my lips with obvious desire and I felt my pants become tighter around my groin. He grabbed my hand and put it to his chest. I could feel his heart beating and his breathing. He took off his shirt and I slid my hand over his hard chest.

This time I leaned in and slammed my mouth against his. He put his hand to my cheek and I could feel him sit up. He moved his legs so that he was now straddling me and our kiss grew heated. I could feel his tongue brush against my lips and I opened my mouth to let it in.

He then moved from my mouth down my jaw to my neck. A small giggle escaped my lips because it tickled. I pulled him down so that he was lying on top of me. He moved his hips a little and my pants became even tighter.

"John Paul," I whispered, barely able to make any sound.

John Paul stopped kissing my neck and slowly planted one last kiss lightly on my lips. He leaned up and looked at me with a sad and worried expression on his face.

"Craig, are you alright?"

"Craig, are you alright?"

I opened my eyes to see a startled John Paul staring down at me. He was sitting at the edge of my bed. I rubbed my eyes, confused.

"You must have had a nightmare or something. You said my name."

"Wait, I just woke up?"

"Yeah, you were really restless."

"It was all a dream?" No! It felt so real. He was kissing me. John Paul wanted me.

"What was a dream?" He looked really confused and tired. He seemed worried and I could tell he cared.

"Nothing, mate. Don't worry about it." I rubbed the back of my neck. The kiss never happened.

"If you say so. He moved from my bed back to his.

"What time is it?" He looked over at his clock.

"8:13 am."

"Damn, it's early," I chuckled.

"Early for you," he laughed and rolled over to look at me. "Do you want to go back to sleep?"

"Not really."

"Good. Get ready. We're gonna get some breakfast." He stood up and walked over to where I was. Before I knew what was happening, he grabbed my hand and pulled me off the little bed. "Craig, you're such a lightweight."

"Well then you'd better get me a lot of breakfast." He laughed at my comment and pat me on the back.

I walked to the bathroom and stared at my reflection. Memories of John Paul kissing me were flooding back. His touch. His lips. His desire. His body. His smile. Gah! Stop that, Craig!

I splashed some water on my face to try and forget about the dream. But it felt so real. I wish it was real. Now how was I supposed to act around him? I feel like I've made out with him. I can still feel his lips on mine. I put my hand to my lips when I heard a knock on the bathroom door.

"Craig? Are you alright in there?" John Paul.

"Yeah, mate. No worries." I changed my clothes quickly and exited the room. John Paul quickly used the bathroom himself and I looked at the bed I was sleeping on. Flashes on the dream came back to me as I sat down on the covers.

"Ok let's go, mate." John Paul appeared at the door and I followed him downstairs and outside. I kept repeating the same phrase over in my head. 'It was only a dream.' A very good dream.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Slow down, Craig. There's no rush." A smiling John Paul told me. He picked up his fork and took a bite of his eggs. I placed my utensils on the side of my plate. I needed a rest. After the last night's sleep, my mind has been everywhere. I was interrupted from my thought by the sound of John Paul laughing. He picked up my napkin and slowly leaned in and rubbed it against my cheek. Even a slight touch like this gave me goose bumps. "I would have thought you'd know table manners by now, Mr. Dean. You are supposed to put the food in your mouth not on your face."

"That's just a technicality," I mumbled between bites. He laughed again and then put his fork to his lips.

"Maybe you are just a little flustered after your sex dream last night."

I choked on a bite of bacon. So it was a dream. But it was so real. I could still feel the tingle of his lips on mine. I rubbed the back of my neck out of nervous habit.

"My sex dream?"

"Yeah, what else would you call it?"

"Maybe I would call it a nightmare since it definitely wasn't sex." Well, technically we weren't actually having sex. I was seriously blushing now.

"It would have been a nightmare if you looked scared but you looked well, excited." He smiled widely.

"Excited?!" My response sort of came out in a high pitched yelp. "That was pure fear."

"Sure, we'll go with that." He smirked at me and I tried to avoid eye contact. "Really Craig, just tell me who it was."

"What?"

"Who were you dreaming about?"

"I dreamt that I was being chased by a car and it killed me. Really not that exciting. Happy now, John Paul?" I took a bite of toast and he took a sip of orange juice.

"That's rubbish. I'm curious Craig; it can't be that bad. So, you weren't having sex but you did hook up with someone and it wasn't Sarah."

"How do you know that?"

"Come on Craig. Sarah is hot but even she doesn't get you that happy."

"Why are you so curious, John Paul?" I questioned.

"I don't know. Because I've never seen you like that before. It was ummm interesting."

"Stop making fun of me." We were both laughing. He playfully nudged me. I rolled my eyes and was about to open my mouth when I felt my shoulder being softly squeezed. I looked up to see Sarah smiling down at me. We hadn't noticed that Sarah and Hannah had walked in.

"Wow John Paul, I'm impressed you've managed to wake Craig up early," Sarah said.

"Don't worry Sarah, he managed to do that on his own today. He's a big boy now." He smiled and fed Hannah a piece of bacon. She giggled and wiped her face on his napkin.

"Get a room you two!" Sarah laughed.

"Oi, we can't help it," Hannah responded. "But we will give you two some privacy." They both got up from the table and walked outside. I turned to Sarah and smiled at her. I just noticed how beautiful she looked. She was wearing a low cut sundress that covered her up just enough. Her makeup was light today which I loved. I planted a soft peck on her lips and her eyes lit up.

"You taste like maple syrup." I must have made a face so she quickly amended her statement. "I absolutely love maple syrup."

Wow, she's gorgeous. She licked her lips and smiled.

"I'm free later tonight if you want to stop by."

"Sure, that would be great, Sarah." John Paul and Hannah came back in but this time I didn't really notice. Sarah looked at her cell phone and frowned.

"I have to go now. Amy needs me at home. But I will see you later tonight, Craig." She leaned in and kissed me. I could feel her hand rub my thigh a little. I watched her walk away and sighed. She was absolutely beautiful. I should want her. After Sarah left, it was just me, John Paul and Hannah. I felt like I didn't belong with them. They were cuddling and I just sat there staring at them. Should I leave?

"Since Craig and Sarah are busy later, maybe you could come over my house or we could go to yours. John Paul I miss spending time with you." Ok maybe now I should leave. They really should be alone. I got up to quietly exit when they noticed. "Craig, I'm just leaving; you don't have to go," Hannah assured me.

"Ok," I muttered and sat down, staring at my napkin. Hannah kissed John Paul affectionately and whispered in his ear. As she turned to leave I could hear her say goodbye to me.

"So, were you dreaming about Hannah?" John Paul eyed me suspiciously with a smirk on his face.

"Hannah? Of course not." What made him think that?

"Oh, I saw the look on your face when it was just the three of us."

"Well, I just felt like the third wheel. It's no big deal. Umm, are you two dating yet?"

"Yeah, actually I asked her to be my girlfriend while we were outside." I could tell that my face dropped and he noticed. "Well, what about you and Sarah?"

"I'm thinking of asking her tonight."

"Good for you, mate." He pat me on the shoulder. "Well, I better leave. Hannah has dinner for me later."

"Oh, ok. Have fun." I smiled at him as he walked out.

He was going to Hannah. I sighed. I had to accept this. I got up, wiped my mouth, and made my way to my house. Kicking up gravel as I walked, I couldn't help but picture my life if I was dating John Paul. Holding hands, sneaking kisses, making love. Whoa I had to catch my breath. My thoughts were out of control. None of this would ever happen. John Paul is straight and so am I. Aren't I? Argghh. I sat on my bed and looked over at a picture of me and John Paul. We hand our arms around each other in a friendly pose. This is probably all we will ever be. Friends. My cheeks felt hot and I wanted to cry. This had to stop. I had to stop thinking of him that way. It was too much for me. I needed to get away. I needed to leave as soon as possible.

I remembered the plane ticket vouchers in my drawer and picked them up. There were two. One for me and one for John Paul. He got them for me last Christmas. He told me that we could use them to visit the United States. Now I had other plans. Maybe I could take my ticket and leave tonight after I saw Sarah. I just needed time to think. John Paul would understand.

I put on my jacket and headed out to Sarah's house. The vouchers were burning in my pocket. I took a deep breath and Sarah opened the door. She bit her upper lip which made me smile.

"Hey. Come in," she purred. She led me to the living room.

"We alone?"

"Of course."

"Good," I said as I leaned in and kissed her. Her lips were so soft. She reached up and ran her hand through my hair. I hadn't meant to but a soft groan escaped my lips. She took this as a good sign and broke the kiss for a second.

"Why don't we finish this in my bedroom?" she whispered.

"Sure," I smiled. She got up of the couch and led me to her bedroom. We got to the door and she closed it behind us. Her eyes filled with lust, she pushed me against the door. She didn't waste anytime kissing me. Her hands pulled my coat off and she grazed her hands up my arms. I wanted her so badly right now. I picked her up and her legs hooked around my hips. I lightly placed her on top of the bed and leaned down to kiss her neck.

"Make love to me," she whispered through jagged breath. My heart beat faster.

"Do you umm have any?"

"Of course," she assured me. She leaned over and opened the drawer in her nightstand. She picked up a condom and I smiled at her.

"Now where were we?" I went back to kissing her neck. She sat up and I unzipped the back of her dress. She slid out of it and I just stared at her. Her body was so fit and perfect.

"Craig, are you alright?" She looked at me concerned and touched my face. I put my hand on hers and whispered back.

"You are absolutely beautiful." She blushed a deep shade of pink and began unbuttoning my shirt. I leaned in and kissed her lips. My tongue rubbed against her lips and she opened her mouth for me to enter. The time with Sarah seemed to pass so quickly and before I realized it we were lying in bed together.

"Craig, are we a couple?" She was drawing circles on my bare chest.

"Well, would you like to be my girlfriend?"

"Oh Craig!" She wrapped her arms around my neck. "I was beginning to think you would never ask." She sighed and nuzzled into my neck. I chuckled. I have a girlfriend. A girlfriend who is a gorgeous model who would make any guy jealous. I was very happy at this moment. Then I remembered the ticket vouchers, lying in my coat that had been discarded on the floor. An idea popped into my head. I turned to Sarah and she sat up.

"Sarah, I was wondering. I mean you don't have to if you don't want to. It was just a thought. Maybe a stupid idea. I don't really know anymore." I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Craig, what are you trying to say?"

"Well, I have these vouchers for two plane tickets. I could use them whenever I like. We could go anywhere. If you want to go to the beach, somewhere tropical." I could see her lips turn into a smile. "I need to get away. I want to go on holiday. I know we've been only dating for about five minutes but do you want to come with me?" I was so nervous a bout her answer.

"Yes. I would love to go with you Craig." She hugged me hard. My eyes widened in surprise. She really wanted to go on holiday with me.

"We could leave tonight if you'd like." She probably was not going to go for this. I looked at the clock it was only 7.

"Sounds perfect." We got dressed I found out there was a flight leaving tonight for the Bahamas and I booked it. This was perfect. I needed this escape and with Sarah there, she would be all that I think about. We packed and I got ready to go. I looked over at Sarah after I came back to her house with my suitcases. She was texting; a typical girl move. I just chuckled. What I didn't know was that she was texting Hannah.

"Oh my freakin God," Hannah said as she was sitting next to John Paul. They were at her house, listening to old CDs and flipping through magazines. She was looking at her cell phone.

"What is it?"

"Sarah and Craig are a couple. I'm so happy for them!"

"Hannah, that's not really a big surprise." He kissed her and she blushed.

"No, John Paul that's not all." He looked at her confused. "They are going off on holiday together. Tonight!"

"What? Where are they going?" John Paul stood up.

"She said Craig had plane ticket vouchers and they booked as flight to the Bahamas. They are leaving tonight!"

"Plane ticket vouchers?" They can't be the same ones that he bought Craig. Craig was supposed to same the vouchers for the two of them. No, Craig would never do that to them. "I'm gonna see if I can catch them."

"You'd better be quick she said they are leaving in a few minutes." John Paul stood up, put on his jacket, planted a quick kiss on Hannah's lips, and walked out the door. He needed to catch Craig before he left.

I said goodbye to my parents and reassured their worried looks. I also helped Sarah pack all the luggage into the taxi. Sarah got inside then me. I didn't want to look back to the street of Hollyoaks. I was distracted by Sarah as she grabbed my hand. Her fingers felt nice entwined with mine. The cab drove away and I took a deep breath. I did not see John Paul McQueen standing in the road behind us as we vanished into the darkness.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Sarah and I had loads of fun in the Bahamas. I had made the brutal mistake of not putting on enough sunscreen. That was awful. Sarah laughed at my lobster skin for a long time. Now we both look tan and exhausted. We scuba dived despite my fear of sharks. The water was breath taking. Sarah dragged me to some nightclubs and we danced until they closed. I was having so much fun with her. I know she is the right person for me. Now we had to go back to our lives in Hollyoaks.

"Do we really have to leave? It is so perfect here." I wrapped my arms around Sarah's waist and pulled her close into me. She put her hands on my cheeks and our foreheads were pressed against each other.

"Yes, Craig. We don't have enough money to stay any longer," she giggled.

"True," I smiled and kissed her softly on the lips. She tasted of strawberries. I kissed her more and she backed away.

"We really need to pack." She laughed and walked into the bathroom. "Maybe you should get started." I could hear her turn the shower water on. My phone vibrated and I picked it up. Another text from John Paul. Without reading it, I hit the delete button. It was easier this way. Easier to concentrate on Sarah.

"Other things are more important at the moment." I followed her into the bathroom and enjoyed her happy squeal as I entered the shower after her.

The plane ride back was shorter than the first. All I thought about this time was how sexy Sarah looked asleep next to me. Now I knew this was what I wanted. I was just confused before. Sarah and I together made sense. As we exited our taxi my mum ran toward us.

"Oh Craig! I've missed you."

"Mum, we've only been gone for a week." She was hugging me so hard.

"I know but for a mother, it seemed a lot longer. Sarah dear you look radiant." I was happy that my mother was supportive of my relationship with Sarah. I knew we rushed things a little but it felt right.

"Thanks Mrs. Dean." She blushed and I smiled at her.

"Call me Frankie, love. I'm just so happy you and my son are a couple. Come on and have a drink in The Dog. We'd all love to hear about your holiday."

"Thanks Mum but I have to help her get her suitcases home to her house. Then we can stop by."

"Alright son. See you two later." Frankie turned around and walked back to the bar. I smiled and grabbed Sarah's hand while she squeezed mine.

"What about the night in the hot tub when we," I started.

"No! I don't think you should tell that story, Craig." She laughed and said that tale was too intimate for our mates. We were on our way back to The Dog. I was ready to sit down at the bar and have a lager. As we walked in Sarah's face lit up and I saw her attention turn to Hannah and John Paul who were sitting at a nearby table. John Paul. He looked the same as always but yet my pulse quickened. I cleared my throat and followed Sarah to greet our friends.

"Sarah!" Hannah shrieked. "It seems as if you've been gone forever." The two best friends embraced and we sat down to discuss our trip. Sarah and I held hands under the small table. I looked over at John Paul who didn't look happy at our arrival but he didn't look mad either. He just seemed indifferent. He would chuckle at some of the silly things Sarah would say and occasionally ask a question. I wondered what was wrong. He looked fantastic but being with Sarah made me look different at him. He was just a mate. I had to keep thinking that. I was falling in love with Sarah, not JP.

"I sort of didn't want Craig to talk about this one night to you two but what the hell I might as well."

"What happened?" Hannah leaned forward with interest as John Paul took another sip of his drink. I looked at her confused.

"Well we were piss drunk and we had just gotten back to the hotel. It was probably really early in the morning but we really don't remember. Craig was like let's not go back to the room right away and I said what do you wanna do then? Then, he stripped off everything but his underwear and went in the hot tub. I followed and then we," she began.

"Sarah!" I stopped her before she told them everything about our sex life.

"What Craig? You afraid Sarah is gonna tell us all about your best bits?" John Paul smirked. My face turned red.

"No!" My voice went up in pitch. This made everyone at the table laugh and my cheeks reddened even more in embarrassment. "Well what did you two do while we were away?" Anything to change the subject.

"Nothing as interesting as taking a trip to the Bahamas," John Paul said and every word was directed at me.

"Yeah, you two are so lucky. For us it was just the usual except last night John Paul made me a candlelit dinner. We spent the entire night together. Oh Sarah, it was so romantic."

"Hannah, let's go to my house and you can tell me all about it. I need to unpack. We will leave you boys alone." She stood up and lightly kissed me on the lips. "Love you."

"Love you, too," I told her. Hannah leaned down and kissed John Paul on the lips as well. The two girls giggled as they walked out of the bar. I took a sip of my lager and looked over at John Paul. The way the light hit his face looked amazing but I tried not to think about it. He had his head down texting someone of his cell phone.

"So um, it's good to be back," I stated, trying to start up a good conversation. He looked up at me as if I was just any other person, not a best mate. He put his phone in his pant pocket and reached for his drink.

"Yeah, I'm glad you had a good holiday with Sarah. It must have been hot down there." He took another big sip and got up. "But I should go. We'll talk another time. Loads of stuff to do at home." He gave me a general smile and walked out.

What was wrong with him? He never acted this way toward me. It was as if we weren't best mates anymore. I couldn't handle this. I needed to talk to him. I walked outside and saw him sitting by the statue in the courtyard. I walked over there with my hands in my pockets.

"I thought you had loads of stuff to do at home," I said as I sat next to him. I laughed quietly to lighten the mood. I wanted to reach out, to hug him.

"Yeah, I should go."

"Wait," I said as I grabbed his arm to stop him. "Are you angry with me?"

"Not really."

"What did I do?"

"What didn't you do?" He looked at me but it seemed as if he was looking past me. That hurt. He should be able to understand why I left. Why I had to leave. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. I didn't know what to say first so luckily he said something. "Did you use those vouchers I bought you last Christmas? The ones that I told you to save for you and me?"

"John Paul, I really needed a vacation. I was so stressed and the timing was right for Sarah to come with me."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Yeah, I used them." At this John Paul stood up and kicked some gravel around with his shoe. "I'm sorry. It was a spur of the moment decision. I promise I will make it up to you."

"Don't bother. It was just a stupid present," he muttered.

"I don't understand why you're so mad, you should be happy for me. I've finally got a girlfriend who makes me happy." Now I was getting angry. He's supposed to be my best mate.

"And what? Your mates don't make you happy anymore? Craig, I didn't purchase those vouchers for you and your new girlfriend to go on some packaged holiday. But it doesn't matter. Now I really have to go." He stated and walked toward his house, leaving me standing there. He didn't look back.

"John Paul!" I yelled out to him but he didn't respond.

My heart was beating loudly in my chest. I hated it when he was mad at me. I just wanted to hug him; to hold him. I knew I shouldn't but I couldn't help it. I picked up a case of beers and headed to his house.

He opened the door and stared at me. Then he opened his mouth to speak and I became hopeful.

"What do you want?"

"I brought drinks. Please John Paul," I muttered as I held up the box. He raised his eyebrows and opened the door for me to walk in. I walked past him and looked back as he closed the door. "Are we alone?"

"Yeah, let's go upstairs." I followed him up to his room. We both sat on his bed while I got out two drinks. He took a sip of his and went over to his music. "Did your cell phone break?" His back was turned from me.

"No." Why did he ask me that?

"Then why didn't you answer any of my texts? I texted you everyday you were gone and I didn't get one response. It would have been nice to hear from you." He put his drink down and was looking at me. I took a long gulp of mine.

"I'm sorry; I just needed to get away from everything." He took a long swing of his second beer and looked at me confused.

"And everything included me? Did I upset you before you left? What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything. It was me. I just needed to spend time with Sarah alone for a while."

"Couldn't you do that in Hollyoaks? Really Craig. What did I do to make you leave? Just tell me." He walked toward me with a hurt look on his face. I couldn't believe he was blaming himself. This was my fault. He did nothing wrong.

"Don't worry about it John Paul. It was nothing you did believe me."

"Then why couldn't you talk to me about it? I'm supposed to be your best mate but I find out from Hannah that you and Sarah have left the country."

"I just needed to think."

"About what?" He was staring at me intently now.

"I needed to see how I truly felt about Sarah, without people influencing my judgment." I could feel the liquor beginning to hit me and I could see it affecting him as well as we continued to take more sips.

"So how do you feel now?"

"Good. She's right for me, John Paul. She's everything I want right now. It's perfect." I smiled at him and he reluctantly smiled back.

"You positive she's what you want?" Why did he have to ask this? I tried not to hesitate when answering but I couldn't help it.

"Yes."

"Well then I'm happy for you mate. Just invite me to your surprise wedding in Las Vegas. Ok?" We laughed and realized that we were quite drunk.

"Haha. Best mates for life. I bet I could beat you in a fun game of one on one room basketball." We put down our drinks.

"Really? Doubtful. I'm gonna kick your ass."

"The language, John Paul. I'm horrified. Bring it on." He picked up the small basketball and shot from over my head. He made it on the first try.

"Two points. Craig, you might need some lessons. You can't match my mad skills," he slurred.

"Nah, you're just a showoff." I tried to shoot but he blocked the ball and hit it on the floor. We were so tipsy that we had no idea where it went.

"If you lost the ball, I'll kill ya. That was my favorite toy."

"Grow up, that thing is for little kids."

"Hey don't mess with me." He laughed and sort of leaned into me. We were wrestling now and laughing hard.

"Ow my foot." He was standing on me.

"Hah! See, I can beat you at everything."

"Showoff." We chuckled as we landed on the floor. Our arms were entwined and tears were running down our cheeks. I hadn't laughed this hard in ages. It seemed like we were on the floor for hours, wiping our faces and laughing even more.

All of a sudden his demeanor changed. He was holding on to my arm. I looked at him in the face. We were both still woozy from the alcohol but something was different now. He looked serious. I watched his eyes move from mine to my lips. What was happening?

"You didn't even say goodbye." He was referring to me leaving with Sarah. He looked sad and I opened my mouth to slur a response but he put a finger to my lips.

His gaze returned to my lips as he licked his. Lust grew in my eyes and in my groin. Without thinking I bit my lower lip in anticipation. This couldn't be happening. It wasn't a dream this time. I didn't know what to do. I was frozen as John Paul's face inched closer to mine. He was hesitant and I understood.

It felt like it was taking too long so I quickly closed the gap and brushed my lips softly against his. The spark was instantaneous. It was so much better than in the dream. I felt alive as if John Paul had just given me a second chance at life. He put his hand on my cheek and I put mine on his shirt collar. I wanted to pull him into me. We moved our lips together slowly. Then at the same time we both stopped. We dropped our hands and stared at each others' faces. We were expressionless, trying to understand if all that was just the alcohol in our systems. The silence between us explained it all. We were dead sober now.

I stood up and he followed suit. I could look everywhere but his face. I was afraid of what he might say. But I wanted nothing more than to have his lips back on mine. I didn't know whether to kiss him again or to just walk away. Should I say something or wait for him to speak? My pulse was ringing in my ears and I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Maybe I should go." I looked over at him and he was staring at the floor.

"Yeah."

Without saying anything else, I reached for the door handle and walked out. He didn't call after me. I ran outside and to my house. My mum said something to me but I didn't hear her correctly or cared enough to ask her what she said. I arrived at my room and sat down on my bed. What just happened? Did I kiss him or did he kiss me? The alcohol clouded my memory. I just knew that our friendship was different now. We could never go back.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I woke up with a huge headache. I sat up in bed and rubbed the top of my head. I really need medicine. Ow. What happened last night? Bits and pieces are slowly coming back to me. I was with John Paul. We drank. A lot. Oh yeah, I beat him at basketball. That was fun. I stood up and walked to the mirror. Man, I looked like crap. I stumbled into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I stripped off all my clothes and relaxed to the heat of the water. I let the waterfall cascade over my face and tried to wash off all evidence of last night. I put shampoo on top of my head and began washing it out of my hair, when suddenly I remembered something. John Paul's lips on mine.

"Shit!" I yelled and opened my eyes, which let soapy shampoo sting me. "Dammit!" I quickly washed the suds out of my eyes and hair and turned off the water. I attempted to get a towel and exit the shower.

"Craig, is everything alright in there?"

"Yes, mum. I just got soap in my eyes. No big deal." My left eye was twitching now but my thoughts were all about last night. John Paul and I kissed? I remembered all of it now.

"Are you sure, love? You sound in shock."

"I am," I whispered as I put a hand to my lips.

"What did you say, Craig?"

"Nothing, mum. I'm fine really."

"Ok, see you in a few minutes, son."

I stared at my reflection in the mirror with my hand to my lips. My hangover was fogging up my memory but I distinctly remember his lips on mine.

"_You didn't even say goodbye." He looked sad as he put a finger to my lips._

I put my robe on and tied it shut. I stumbled out of the bathroom and absentmindedly looked through my dresser for clothes.

_His gaze returned to my lips as he licked his. Lust grew in my eyes and in my groin. Without thinking, I bit my lower lip in anticipation. This couldn't be happening. It wasn't a dream this time. I didn't know what to do. I was frozen as John Paul's face inched closer to mine. _

I pulled on a shirt and jeans and went back into the bathroom. The scene from last night kept playing in my head. I looked at my reflection and slowly rubbed my face.

_The spark was instantaneous. It was so much better than in the dream. I felt alive as if John Paul had just given me a second chance at life. _

"Holy Shit," I whispered. What was gonna happen when I see him again? Maybe I shouldn't see him again. At least maybe I should stay away until he wants to talk to me. Is he gonna be mad? Of course he is. I kissed him. Or, maybe he kissed me. Hell, I don't remember. But I do remember how good it felt. Oh God. Ok today, I can't text or call John Paul. I will let him come to me. He needs to approach me first.

I managed to get a grip on myself and go meet up with Sarah. She texted me after I got out of the shower. Luckily, my mum didn't ask too many questions about the shower incident. She believed that I just had innate clumsiness, which very well could be true. I was walking, when I hadn't noticed but Sarah had come up behind me and she put her hands over my eyes. I couldn't tell who it was. John Paul?

"Hey, you," I said before I turned to face the person. Oh, it was just Sarah.

"Don't look so disappointed," she pouted.

"No, I'm very happy," I kissed her sweetly but quickly on the lips. She smiled and grabbed my hand.

"So, Hannah got plastered last night."

"Wow, I'm surprised."

"Yeah, she kept going on about how much she is in love with John Paul. How much he means to her. They even had sex!"

"They did?" This was news to me. A feeling of nausea sweeps over me.

"Yeah, apparently while we were away they did it at her house. She told me way too many details." Ugh, I felt sick.

"Haha. Yeah, good for them. We shouldn't talk about it. It's their business." It was all I could say without Sarah detecting anything wrong. We kept walking until we got to the SU bar. I was giving all my attention to my girlfriend when I noticed her expression change. I looked in the same direction as her gaze when my eyes fell on Hannah and John Paul.

They were sipping drinks and laughing about some inside joke. He had a dark green t-shirt on with light jeans. I think Hannah was wearing one of Sarah's dresses.

"Hannah! John Paul!" Sarah yelled in excitement.

"Hey Sarah. Craig," Hannah replied and nuzzled up to her boyfriend. John Paul just nodded. Shit.

"So, what are you two up to today?"

"Just getting a quick drink. Then, well I don't really know."

"Yeah," John Paul added. "No big plans for today."

"Good. Hannah, I thought we could go shopping. I saw this lovely bag in a magazine that I just have to have."

"Shopping? Sounds perfect. John Paul doesn't like shopping trips."

"Definitely not my thing either," I chuckled and looked at him. He smiled and nodded but I couldn't tell if it was genuine.

"Ok, so see you later I guess," Sarah turned to me.

"Bye, love you."

"Love you too," she said and kissed me on the lips. I turned around and Hannah had already made her way over to Sarah and they were about to walk away. I looked at John Paul and he was staring into his drink. I put my hands in my pockets sighed.

"Did you two get into a fight?" Hannah asked, suspicious. Sarah crossed her arms on her chest. John Paul raised his eyebrows.

"Nope." He said and just shrugged.

"Yeah, it's all good," I replied trying to smile.

"Ok well we will see you blokes later," Sarah said and walked away with Hannah gossiping about girl stuff.

"Huh, looks like they're gonna have a busy day," I remarked. He took a sip of his drink and wiped his mouth.

"Yeah, girl bonding. Never something I was good at." He chuckled and pat me on the arm. "You wanna go to The Dog for pool or something?" He was so calm and it must have taken me by surprise cause he made a weird face. "…or not? Are you busy with something today?" He looked confused.

"Oh! No, I'm completely free today." Maybe he didn't remember the kiss.

"Good, mate. Just letting you know I'm gonna kick your ass just like I did last night in basketball." Shit, maybe he did remember.

"No, I definitely recall me whipping your butt last night."

"Well, I was drunk but I do remember some things." Some things? What did he mean by that? "You ok, Craig? You're awfully quiet." He tried to smile at me.

"Well, umm." I stopped by the statue near The Dog and sat down he did the same. I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Get on with it, Craig." He chuckled.

"Do you remember everything about last night?"

"Well, yeah unless you drugged me or something."

"Oh." I looked down at my hands.

"What's wrong?" He genuinely looked concerned.

"It's just um, right before I left. We um."

"Kissed?" He smiled at me. I just froze and stared at him with my mouth open for a second. "Craig?"

"What? Yeah yeah. Umm, so you remember it?" I was too nervous about his answer so I couldn't look him in the eyes.

"Yeah, I do remember it. Haha we were pissed drunk though." Phew, it seems like no big deal.

"So, we're ok?"

"Course we are mate. We were drunk. It didn't mean anything. Right?"

"Right. It meant nothing." I cleared my throat and smiled at him.

"But I do have to say Craig, your lips are pretty soft," he smiled. I couldn't help but blush.

"Sorry mate but Sarah beats you there." I pat him on the shoulder, stood up and walked into The Dog.

"You bitch," he chuckled and followed me inside. I smiled to myself.

As we entered, music filled our ears. We looked at each other confused when Jack came up to us.

"Hey, boys. What do you think of Spike?"

"Who?" John Paul asked.

"Our new DJ," Jack commented and pointed to a young man hard at work in the DJ booth. He was actually pretty good.

"He definitely knows what he's doing," John Paul added, nodding toward Spike.

"Yeah, we're hoping he can bring in more business. Well got to go lads, more drinks to be served." I stared at Spike who was just finishing off his set and an emotion coursed through me.

"I don't like him."

"You don't like who?" John Paul asked.

"Spike. I don't like him."

"Why? You don't even know him."

"I can just tell," I began. "I mean is his name really Spike? Seriously?"

"Don't judge him until you've met him, Craig." He told me this while his eyes were on Spike. "He's coming over here."

"Hi, I'm Spike. You must be Craig." He gestured towards me. "And you are?" Before he could answer, I spoke.

"This is my best mate, John Paul."

"Hi. Nice to meet you, Spike."

"Pleasure," Spike responded. Ok, I really didn't like him. I mean he's just a bloke but there's something about him that ticks me off. The three of us ordered drinks and sat down at a table to chat.

"Are you new to Hollyoaks?" John Paul asked.

"Yeah, just passing through when Jack approached me about this gig. The money's good so I said why not."

"Yeah, good deal." I was silent. I just felt like an outsider with them.

"John Paul, I'm gonna head out," I told him.

"Already?"

"Yeah, Sarah just texted me and I forgot that I promised to buy her a few things."

"Oh, good luck then. See ya tomorrow?"

"Of course."

"See ya Craig," Spike added.

"Bye, Spike." I walked out and took a deep breath of the night air. I looked though one of the windows to see Spike and John Paul huddled around the small table laughing together. I shouldn't be jealous. But I was.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Morning, Craig."

"Spike," I replied. I had just woken up and walked downstairs to the bar at The Dog. My family lives in a flat above The Dog, by the way. So I was standing there, dazed as usual, and Spike was smiling at me from behind the bar as he was cleaning the top of it with a rag.

"What are you doing?" I asked. I thought he was just a DJ. I didn't want to have to see him all the time.

"Working." He smirked at me a little. Ew.

"No, I mean I thought you were just a DJ." I tried to look like I didn't care.

"No Craig, Spike is gonna help out a lot in any way that he can," Jack informed me. Spike will help in any way that he can? What does that mean?

"Personally, I don't think we need any help. Especially from Spike," Darren added. When he said Spike's name, he over articulated.

"Now Darren, Spike is not gonna take your job he's just an extra hand," Jack assured him.

"Well maybe if you weren't 'sick' I wouldn't need to offer my assistance," Spike smiled at Darren.

"What does that mean? I can't help it if I'm ill."

"Sure, if that's your definition of a hangover."

"Well, I would rather be hungover than like you."

"What are you trying to say?" By now, Spike put down the rag, walked around the table, and stood two inches away from Darren's face. "Is there something you want to ask me?"

"No way man. Sorry, but your not my type." He said the last sentence is a high, prissy voice.

"Too bad." He then whispered in Darren's ear. "I could've made you moan louder than any bird could."

Darren backed away from Spike and tripped over his own legs and stumbled upstairs. Spike just chuckled and went back to the bar. I turned around to see Jack.

"Have to say it. Darren did deserve that," he chuckled and continued sweeping.

What just happened? Darren is odd but he doesn't usually get worked up like that. I sat down on a stool and stared at Spike.

"You alright Craig?" he said when he noticed my stare.

"Yeah, you know. Just a little headache."

"Partying a little too hard?" He smiled at me and continued his work. It seemed like the confrontation before with Darren didn't even faze him.

"Not really. Are you gay?" I didn't mean to just blurt it out but I have to admit it was on my mind. He immediately stopped his work and looked up at me.

"Am I _gay_?"

"Sorry. Shit, I didn't mean to offend you or anything." Great.

"What if I am gay? You got a problem with that?"

"What? No, not at all. I mean if that's how you, ya know, roll. I mean I'm completely not gay. But it's cool if you are. I've met some gay people in my life and they are uhh cool." I was just babbling helplessly by now and praying that Spike would jump into the conversation to save me.

"Do you always talk that much?" He chuckled and I cleared my throat. "Yeah Craig, I'm gay."

"Oh. Nice one."

"Nice? Craig you're too funny." He laughed and went back to work.

"So, um you got a boyfriend?" His eyebrows shot up when he heard this.

"No, are you interested?"

"What?! Um no haha. I just wanted to know more about you since we are both you know, working here. I've got a girlfriend, Sarah."

"Good for you then," he smirked. His face lit up suddenly and I turned around to follow his gaze. "Hey." He was talking to my best mate.

"Hi. Are you two alright?" John Paul had just entered the pub and had a confused look on his face.

"We're good. Just getting to know more about each other," I answered.

"Right," Spike said. "What are you up to?"

"Oh yeah," John Paul answered. "I brought some CDs thought you might want to take a look at them, Spike."

"Oh, sure thing." He then grabbed the cases out of John Paul's hands and went up to the DJ booth. John Paul turned to me with his hands in his pockets as Spike got to work.

"You ok?"

"Me? Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"You didn't say much yesterday. I thought you were mad at me or something." He looked serious, his expression questioning.

"No, it was just you seemed really close to Spike and you barely know him."

"Yeah, I don't know," He looked toward the DJ booth. "He's just a good guy to have a laugh with. But Craig, he's never gonna replace you. You're my best mate." He smiled and my face lit up.

"Well that's true, JP but you'd better watch out cause I could replace you in a second."

"Really?" his lips pulled up into a smile. "I'd like to see you try." He backed away from me with a mocking smirk on his face. It wasn't menacing looking but a little sexy instead. Bad thoughts!

I watched him head over to the DJ booth and I turned around. I didn't want to intrude on the two of them. I noticed my shoe was untied but of course, I'm too lazy to fix it.

"You wanna get out of here?" John Paul returned and interrupted me from my thoughts. I turned around and looked at Spike.

"Is he coming too?"

"Nah, his shift doesn't end for a few hours and I thought you and me could get a bite to eat."

"Sure thing, mate." I smiled at him and we walked out with our hands in our pockets. We didn't say much, just let our feet do the talking. As we turned a corner we bumped into the girls.

Hannah, Sarah, and our other friend, Nancy, bounded around the corner and we nearly ran into them. Hannah looked very excited to see John Paul and Nancy looked rather glum.

"What's wrong Nance?" John Paul asked.

"Nothing except the fact that I'm now gonna be the 5th wheel with you lot." I smiled at her and Sarah pat her shoulder then grabbed my hand.

"I texted you today," she said quietly to me. "You didn't text me back."

"Oh." I pulled my phone out of my pocket to see that I had a few missed text messages. "I hadn't noticed it go off. Sorry." She smiled at me.

"No worries. You're with me now so I'm happy." She squeezed my arm a little.

"What are you boys up to?" Nancy asked.

"Well, we were gonna go get a bite to eat," John Paul replied.

"Could we come too? I mean if you just want boy time then we won't," Hannah asked John Paul. He looked at me and said back to her.

"Yeah, why don't you girls go and have a special lunch with just the three of you. I know you've missed your gossip time." Nancy looked pleased but Sarah and Hannah's face dropped.

"Come on girls. It's healthy to get away from boyfriends sometimes." She looked excited. I felt bad. We haven't had time for Nance recently. But at least she could have lunch with her best mates. Sarah leaned in and kissed me softly on the cheek. Hannah said her goodbyes to John Paul and Nancy just waved. I watched them walk in the opposite direction and turned to my best mate.

"John Paul, are you sure?"

"Sure about what?"

"Well, we could eat with the girls."

"You don't want to spend time alone with me anymore, Craig? I'm hurt." he asked with a definite smile on his face.

"No! I mean, I want to spend time alone with you cause ya know you're my best mate and everythin."

"Aw how sweet of you Craig." He put an arm around me and pulled me into a comfortable hug. I didn't want to move. "I'm starved. Let's get some food already."

We went to the local Chinese takeaway and brought the food back to John Paul's place. No one was home so we brought the food straight up to his room. When we got there I realized that I hadn't been there since that night. Memories flooded back to me.

"Something wrong, Craig?" He was putting the food on his bed and looked over at me.

"No, I just um thought we forgot chopsticks."

"Not to worry," he smiled and produced two sets of the utensils out of the bag he was holding.

"So, are you really close with Spike?" I was wondering so I had to ask.

"What do you mean?" he mumbled as he slid a noodle into his mouth.

"Well, I mean do you know a lot about him?" I was having a hard time putting the chicken into my mouth as my concentration was on John Paul.

"I guess so. I mean I just met him but we did talk a lot."

"So he told you he's gay?"

"What?!" he nearly spit out his noodle. "Where did you hear that?"

"From Spike." I told him that and managed to safely put a piece of food into my mouth.

"Huh," John Paul said and continued chewing. "No, he didn't tell me that. But I never asked." He seemed to be concentrated on the floor and robotically kept shoveling food into his mouth.

"John Paul?" I seemed to break his trance.

"Huh? What?"

"You um got a little bit on."

"What?" he repeated. I picked up a napkin and softly dabbed his chin which was covered in soy sauce. "Oh, thanks mate." He rubbed his chin with his right hand to make sure there was no sauce still on his face. I chuckled. "It's not funny." He attempted to sound intimidating but the smile plastered on his face told me otherwise.

"It's a little funny," I said and bit my eggroll.

"Fine. Craig, when did Spike tell you that he was gay?"

"Today, right before you arrived at the pub." I didn't like this subject too much.

"Huh. Does he have a boyfriend?" A steaming wave of jealously flowed over me. I shouldn't be jealous because he was just asking a question.

"Uhh, no. He's single, but I don't think he's looking." I said and looked at John Paul's eyes. His gaze seemed to falter for a second. My heartbeat quickened.

"Good for him. He doesn't need anyone tying him down."

"Tying him down? John Paul, everything ok with Hannah?"

"I honestly don't know. Lately, she's been very clingy."

"Clingy? Hannah? Is that really new?" I chuckled and pat him on the shoulder. His lips smiled but his eyes were sad.

"I don't know. But lately, it's just different. Sometimes I just need to get away from her. I need to breathe."

"I'm sorry, John Paul. Hannah will always be Hannah. If she doesn't make you happy, then you might want to end it."

"Yeah," he whispered. Was he really gonna end it with Hannah? "I think it's just a rough patch." Maybe not.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

My lunch with John Paul went well but I still had the feeling that maybe he wasn't all that happy with Hannah. Maybe I should convince him to take a break from her. No, that would be pushing it. I mean I want him to be happy right? He's my best mate and if she makes him happy that's good enough for me. Right? Right.

As these thoughts were undulating in my head, I was gathering up bottles from the cellar beneath the pub. Jack told me we need to restock so of course I was the one down in the cellar. Darren didn't feel the need to volunteer. The pub was deserted except for Spike in the DJ booth prepping for his gig tonight. So I went downstairs and gathered up a few bottles of lager. As I was coming up the stairs, I could've sworn I heard John Paul's laugh faintly on the other side of the door. Must have been my imagination.

I opened the door and walked back to the bar. I picked up two bottles and was gonna be nice and give one to Spike. We need to try to get along better. On my way over to the booth, I looked up and my mouth fell open. Spike was there but instead of looking at music he had his arms around John Paul with their lips pressed tightly together. It was like Spike was caressing him and their mouths moved as in a dance.

I dropped the two bottles in my hands and the glass shattered on the floor, prying Spike and John Paul apart. My best mate looked over at me with expressions of shock and horror plastered on his face. I turned my attention to the ground and watched the alcohol ooze out of the cracked bottles.

"Shit," I muttered. I kept my eyes glued to the floor as it was quite difficult to look up at the two of them.

"Craig," John Paul said.

"I need to get this mess cleaned up," I replied with my head down.

"Please Craig." I could tell he was on the verge of tears.

"Spike," I looked up to see the flabbergasted DJ cowering in his booth. "Be a nice bloke and clean this up for me? Ok? Ok!" I headed toward the door and looked back. "I'm gonna take a walk. Need some fresh air." I said in clenched teeth and opened the pub door.

"Craig! Can we talk? Please slow down." Great. John Paul followed me outside. But that was probably to be expected. I turned a corner so we were now in an alley where nobody would stop to watch us. My feet stopped moving and I turned around to face him.

"What do you want?" I saw his eyes were tearstained and he was panting.

"What uh what you saw back there in in the pub?" I stared at him in confusion. This wasn't English.

"Yeah John Paul, I obviously know what I saw." I couldn't look at him in the face. Damn, I'm really bad at tying shoes. My feet were safer to look at then his face.

"It didn't mean anything. You know, just fooling around."

"It didn't look like that."

"Please don't tell Hannah."

"Are you gay?" At this I looked him in the eyes. This was a question I never meant to ask him but maybe ask myself. He took a big breath.

"No, I'm definitely not gay." He answered for both of us.

"Well then why were you snogging a bloke? Why Spike?" My eyes started to fill with tears. I had to look away. He couldn't see me like this.

"I don't know. I went there to see you and it just happened. Please Craig, look at me. I'm sorry." Wait, was that an apology? I wiped my eyes.

"You're apologizing to me? Why?!"

"I honestly don't know." He rubbed his hair. "I just know I should. You seemed hurt. Craig, it was just joking around. It meant nothing." This last sentence made my stomach turn. I wasn't sure if it was hope about him and me or agony that it meant the same as us.

I faced the wall of the alley and gently kicked some dirt against it. I didn't want to look at him. I was completely torn. Should I tell Hannah? Should I be a best mate and keep his secret? Should I just walk away? His voice broke my concentration.

"I don't know what else I can say," he sniffed. I could hear him turn to leave.

"Was it the same as when you and I kissed?" I looked up to see his face staring at me in shock. He cleared his throat. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He gripped the wall for balance. I saw that he wasn't gonna answer so I made my way out of the alley.

I could hear his footsteps behind me and I began my walk to Sarah's house. I tried to block them out and eventually all I could hear was my own shoes. I knocked on the door to Sarah's and turned around. The only other person there was the old woman walking her tiny dog. I smiled and turned to see my girlfriend standing in the doorway. She was wearing nothing but a black bra and matching panties. Suddenly the temperature around me skyrocketed. She smirked and pulled me by my collar into her house.


	10. Chapter 9 JP

Chapter 9 *JP*

I walked into The Dog, expecting to see Craig but instead was greeted by Spike. Huh, where was Craig? I smiled at my friend, shrugged my shoulders, and walked over to the DJ booth.

"Hey, didn't know you were coming in," Spike said and nodded in my direction.

"Yeah, just stopped by to see Craig. Is he working now?"

"Yeah, he went down to the cellar to get more lager. Usually takes about five minutes in my experience but with Craig it might take ten." He chuckled and so did I. We both know that Craig isn't the ideal barman but he tries.

"Coming up with some good stuff for tonight?" I asked while I waited for my best mate.

"Yeah, have a listen." He began to play the beginning of his set. When I scrunched up my face he stopped. "Something wrong?" he laughed.

"Well you don't have to listen to me but I think you should lead into this track not that one," I told him as I pointed to a disc.

"Hmm, John Paul McQueen, the all-knowing one."

"Not really," I smiled.

"Why don't you come into the booth and help me," he said.

"Fine, pushy." I walked into the booth and he walked a little to give me space. I told him about some things he should mix and he wrote stuff down.

"Wow, you really should do this more often."

"Yeah, that'd be cool." I tried to exit the booth but he was in my way so he moved but I bumped into him. In other words, I'm a total spaz like my sisters. I laughed and he caught me with his arms so I didn't fall. Then I don't really know how it happened but his arms closed tighter around me and I looked up at him. He leaned his head down and placed his lips on mine. They were warm and I don't know but I didn't pull away. I didn't really want to. Nothing was going on in my head except the fact that Spike's lips were on mine. Then I heard the unmistakable sound of glass breaking on the floor.

Spike and I separated and I turned in the direction of the noise. Craig was standing there with two broken bottles of lager, the contents spilled on the floor. His mouth was open and besides the look of shock on his face, I could detect another emotion but wasn't sure which one. My cheeks turned bright pink and I was horrified that my best mate witnessed what just happened.

Craig took his eyes off me and Spike and seemed to force himself to look at the mess on the floor. I didn't know what to do. Tell him this was a joke? Beg that he not say anything to my girlfriend? I mean Spike did everything. I just stood there. Right?

"Shit," Craig muttered. He kept his eyes glued to the floor. I walked out of the booth and stood in front of him.

"Craig," I said, hoping that he would look up and talk to me.

"I need to get this mess cleaned up," he replied with his head down.

"Please Craig." My emotions were taking control and I was about to burst into tears.

"Spike," Craig said to the DJ. "Be a nice bloke and clean this up for me? Ok? Ok!" Craig headed toward the door and looked back. "I'm gonna take a walk. Need some fresh air." I had no choice but to follow him.

"Craig! Can we talk? Please slow down." He turned a corner so we were now in an alley where nobody would stop to watch us.

"What do you want?" He looked at me, examining my face. He probably noticed that my eyes were wet. I don't know what was happening to me but I had to tell Craig that it didn't mean anything.

"What uh what you saw back there in in the pub?" He stared at me in confusion and I realized that I probably mumbled.

"Yeah John Paul, I obviously know what I saw." He didn't look at me in the face. No, he had to understand. Craig is my best mate. He can't be mad at me.

"It didn't mean anything. You know, just fooling around." It was my best excuse.

"It didn't look like that." Damn. Why does he have to make it so hard? I didn't force Spike to kiss me. Better question: why do I care so much what Craig thinks when I'm dating Hannah?

"Please don't tell Hannah." He wouldn't do that to me. That would be betrayal.

"Are you gay?" I took a big breath. I was not expecting this question. Of course I'm not! I'm dating Hannah. I really think I'm beginning to love her. But then there was that one night with Craig when we. And then there's Spike. No! What am I thinking?

"No, I'm definitely not gay."

"Well then why were you snogging a bloke? Why Spike?" He began to cry and turned away from me. It took all my strength to not grab him and prove to him that I didn't care for Spike that way.

"I don't know. I went there to see you and it just happened. Please Craig, look at me. I'm sorry." He wiped his eyes and I waited patiently for a response.

"You're apologizing to me? Why?!" Shit, this wasn't the response I wanted.

"I honestly don't know. I just know I should. You seemed hurt. Craig, it was just joking around. It meant nothing." Please, please believe that Craig.

He faced the wall of the alley and gently kicked some dirt against it. My heart was pounding in my throat. Nothing mattered except that Craig believes me. The only problem was why did it matter so much?

"I don't know what else I can say," I sniffed and wiped the leftover tears away.

"Was it the same as when you and I kissed?" What? So he thought about that? He looked up to see my face staring at him in shock. I cleared my throat. I then opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. What kind of question was that? How exactly am I supposed to answer that? If I say no, then he might be mad or relieved. If I say yes, they he might be really mad or really relieved. I wish I just knew what Craig was thinking right now!

He looked at me, waiting. I guess he figured I wouldn't be able to respond because he slowly turned and walked away. I didn't know what to do. So I followed. I tried repeatedly to call out his name but my body wouldn't allow it. Sarah's house came into sight and I quickly turned the corner and Craig continued on his way to see his girlfriend. My breath came in short bursts and my head was pounding. I walk out from my hiding place and saw Craig standing on Sarah's doorstep. The door opens and Sarah walks out, practically naked! She grabs him by the collar and pulls him into her house. I stumbled back to my hiding place. I stand with my back against the wall and tears begin to fall down my cheeks. I slid down until I was sitting on the ground. Now, I just had to figure out what hurt so much.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

That night I barely slept. I just couldn't get that image out of my head. John Paul's lips. John Paul's lips on Spike's. Yuck. I actually felt disgusted. I woke up the next morning to find Sarah staring at me.

"Oy!" I yelped. I almost forgot that I slept over here in my attempt to rid my mind of the images that plagued me.

"Sorry! I just woke up and thought you looked really sexy and then, you know, you woke up." She seemed a little disheveled and I couldn't blame her for I felt the same way. I told her that I had a lovely time the night before and that we should really do it again soon. Gosh it was like I was talking to an acquaintance after an evening out on the town.

She sweetly walked me to the door and planted a soft kiss on my lips.

"You are the most wonderful boyfriend in the entire world," she cooed.

"Only because I have you," I echoed. Gross, that doesn't sound like me. I made my way back to the Dog and saw a familiar face outside.

"Craig!" John Paul called. "Everyone said you didn't come home last night. I was worried sick. You didn't answer any of my texts or calls. I'm so sorry, even though I'm not sure of what I'm apologizing for."

"I spent the night at Sarah's. Had a wonderful time and I think she could be the love of my life." It was all I could manage to say back to him.

"Well then. Good for you mate. I'm happy that you're happy, but you could've at least texted me back." His smile wasn't as clear as normal.

"Well I was a little busy shagging her all night." I couldn't even look my best mate in his eyes. Those deep blue eyes.

"Craig, spare me the details."

"Why?" Why did he care?

"Cause that's your private life of course. None of my business." He looked at the ground and kicked a pebble around.

"I guess your private life is up for display though. Breaking up with Hannah today? Or have you already done that?" I said that through clenched teeth. I did not want to show my enthusiasm for a break up.

"God no," he replied. "She's a great girl and treats me well."

"But you made out with Spike. We both know I saw you." He couldn't deny this. I was there. I witnessed it all.

"It didn't mean anything. You know, you get carried away. We talked and we're good. Mates as usual."

I smiled at him because I knew this must be true. John Paul wouldn't go around kissing Spike. Who did Spike think he is? He should not be messing around with John Paul like that. If I saw that type of behavior again I would slug that stupid DJ. Of course all of that would be done for the sake of my best mate. Not because I was jealous. No, that wouldn't be the reason.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

John Paul and I walked into the Dog. I spotted Jack cleaning off the bar. He gave me a nod and walked up stairs. I smiled and felt relief. Maybe Spike wasn't here. Maybe I could relax. John Paul gave me a pat on the back and sat down on a stool. I knew I was supposed to get us pints because I don't have to pay. I walked up to the bar and picked two cold ones out when I can feel a presence behind me.

"I have a feeling you don't like me very much," Spike whispered into my ear. I stood up in a jolt and brushed my ear to get the feeling off.

"How did you figure that one out?"

"You haven't been nice to me since I walked in the door that first day." He had this smug look on his face. I hated that look.

"Well I think you're a bad DJ." It was the only thing I could come up with.

"That's pretty weird. You seem to be the only one that thinks that. That's why there is another reason for your hatred." He crossed his arms in front of his chest and raised his eyebrows.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I started to feel a drop of sweat stream down my back. I looked Spike in the eyes and his gaze met mine then shifted over to John Paul and he smiled. What is he trying to say? "You better stay away from John Paul." I couldn't help myself. It needed to be said.

"Why does it matter? We're mates. You can't share your best mate?"

"Well yes but you are a bad influence. He's happy with Hannah. That's where he needs to be. Not snogging you."

"It seems to me, Craig, that you're jealous." Now I really wanted to slug him. How could he be thinking that?

"Uh no! I am most certainly not jealous. What would I have to be jealous about?"

"You tell me." I was two seconds away from full out attacking him.

"Just do what I say. Leave him alone. I don't wanna see him get hurt." And with that I walked away from a still-smiling Spike and made my way to the table where John Paul was sitting.

"Well what was that about?" he asked with a confused expression.

"Just, you know, discussing his music tastes."

"Is that all?" JP looked sort of sad and skeptical.

"Yeah of course. We just have different tastes."

"You never know, you guys could be more similar than you think." Once he said that I choked on my drink. "You OK Craig?"

"Yeah." Sarah and Hannah walked through the door at that moment. I was so happy to see Sarah. She was like a breath of fresh air. I needed this distraction from the current situation.

"Hey love," she whispered into my ear. I felt a tingle down my back. They got themselves something to drink and pulled up stools to our table. Hannah snakes her arm around John Paul's. He smiles but I know it's not real.

"What are you two blokes up to tonight?" Hannah asked and I knew she wanted alone time with John Paul.

"Um I don't think we have plans," I replied.

"Good, I thought we could have a romantic night in," Sarah cooed. I shivered.

"Sure thing," I replied.

"John Paul, would you want to see a movie tonight? It could be awfully romantic."

"Yeah, Hannah, that would be great," John Paul added. The two of them walked into the night together and Sarah led me to her house.

We sat on her couch as she put in a romantic movie and opened a bottle of white wine. Before I realized it, she was kissing me all over. I couldn't let my mixed emotions ruin this for her. As we continued this, I sneaked my hand up her shirt and unhooked her bra. Her eyes grew with desire and so did mine.

After Sarah fell asleep on her bed, I grabbed my things to go. She looked so peaceful and we did end up having a fantastic night. My phone buzzed and I couldn't check it faster. It was from John Paul.

_Craig, please come over. I really need to talk to you. I have a lot on my mind. –JP_

My heart beat a little faster as I ran all the way to John Paul's. He opened the door and his eyes lit up as they fell on me.

"I'm glad you're here, let's go up to my room."

"Um ok, yeah no problem." I loosened the collar of my shirt. His room means nothing. It's just a place.

"You ok Craig? You seem a little off." I followed him up to his room and watched as he closed the door.

"No yeah completely fine. Just tired I guess." I shifted my weight from my left leg to my right.

"Alright, well I asked you to come here because I'm having these thoughts." THOUGHTS? What is he saying? "I just don't think I'm right for Hannah or that she's right for me."

"Um why do you think so?" I put my hand in the windowsill for support.

"Well I don't know. I just don't get that feeling. You know? The feeling that when you're with that person, the world stops. Like your heart keeps beating faster and faster every second you look at them. Do you know what I'm talking about?" I knew exactly what he was talking about, as that was the same feeling I was having at that exact moment. It was like it was getting harder to breathe.

"Yeah I uh I completely understand."

"Of course you do. Sarah is a right girl. She's perfect for you. You have those feelings for her." He looked so sad.

"Um yeah I do. If you don't like Hannah, then you shouldn't be with her. Is there anyone else you like?" I don't know what I will do if he says my name.

"Um I don't know. There are some things I need to think through."

"You know you're my best mate no matter what. Even if you like blokes or something." I laughed uncomfortably.

"Um yeah. Well that's something I needed to think about actually. I really uh I think I'm gay, Craig." My heart caught in my throat my best mate just came out to me. "Of course it might be a phase or something. Or even nothing at all." He rubbed the back of his head. John Paul had this worried expression on his face.

"I mean I don't care. Like I said best mates always. Just make sure you don't drag her along. It's not fair to her." I looked out the window for a distraction.

"Of course not. I would never do that." This is when we began drinking. I don't even know how many beers I had. We were pallin' around listening to music. Then some things happened.

"So John Paul, are you, ya know, having thoughts about someone in particular?" I was beginning to slur my words. Thank goodness John Paul was home alone.

"Uh maybe yeah I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? How could you not know if you liked someone?"

"I mean I might. It's not something I wanted to talk about with you though. It's not a big deal." He took a big gulp of beer.

"Oh come on. Like I said I don't care. It doesn't matter to me one bit." All I wanted to do was touch him.

"Craig. What if I said it was you that I wanted? Would you care then?" He looked at me kind of dazed but I think I could sense longing.

"Wh-what?" I asked. John Paul then got closer and closer. He walked the short distance that was dividing us. He placed his hand on my face, stroking my cheek.

"You know I've never noticed how deep your eyes are." He then licked his lips as I licked mine in response. My breathing became ragged and I could feel my pulse quickening.

"John Paul," I whispered. Do we know what we are doing? Is this what we want? His face turned deadly serious and he closed the gap between our lips. This was the most incredible kiss I had ever had. The spark from that other time intensified and I couldn't help but react to it by leaning in deeper. I grabbed at his shirt and he grabbed at mine. We broke apart for a second and his pupil dilated. We both caught our breaths and slowly separated. What was that? I was not imagining that.

"Craig, what was that?" He looked sad and I could sense the alcohol was wearing off.

"I don't know." I didn't know what to say to him. What was going on?

"Do you like Sarah?" he asked. My heart broke when I looked at him.

"Yes."

"Do you love her?"

"Yes."

"Then I think you should leave." No, he couldn't be doing this.

"John Paul, this is nothing. It means nothing, don't kick me out."

"It wasn't _nothing_, Craig. I want you to leave before I do anything else that I would regret." He would regret it.

"But John Paul."

"Craig you love Sarah. I can't be hoping for something that will never happen. Good bye Craig." I nodded and walked out the door. I could feel the tears growing in my eyes and didn't notice a figure looking out the window, watching me walk away from him.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 (John Paul POV)

What just happened? Did I mean to do that? I could still feel my best mate's lips on mine. When I asked Craig to come here I did not mean to snog him. I just wanted to talk about my doubts of Hannah. Do I actually like Craig?

My mind has been replaying the images of tonight over and over again. I can't get them out of my head.

"So John Paul, are you, ya know, having thoughts about someone in particular?" I could tell Craig was getting drunk. His words were slurring. I really did not want to answer his question.

"Uh maybe yeah I don't know." Did I actually have an answer?

"What do you mean you don't know? How could you not know if you liked someone?" Why is he pushing this?

"I mean I might. It's not something I wanted to talk about with you though. It's not a big deal." I took a big gulp of beer.

"Oh come on. Like I said I don't care. It doesn't matter to me one bit." Why does he keep staring at me?

"Craig. What if I said it was you that I wanted? Would you care then?" What the hell was I thinking? Why would I say something like that? It most certainly must not be true.

"Wh-what?" I asked. I could not stop staring at his lips. My body just wanted to get closer to him. I don't know how it happened but we suddenly became inches apart. He placed his hand on my face, stroking my cheek. My eyes expanded as I too him in.

"You know I've never noticed how deep your eyes are." I couldn't help it. I then licked my lips as he licked his in response. Was he reciprocating? My breathing became ragged and I could feel my pulse quickening.

"John Paul," he whispered. Do we know what we are doing? Is this what we want? I suddenly felt dead sober closed the gap between our lips. This was the most incredible kiss I had ever had. The spark from that other time intensified and I couldn't help but react to it by leaning in deeper. I grabbed at his shirt and he grabbed at mine. We broke apart for a second and his pupils dilated. We both caught our breaths and slowly separated. What was that? I was not imagining that.

"Craig, what was that?" I did not know what to think. Why did I want more?

"I don't know," was all he could say.

"Do you like Sarah?" I asked. Did he want me?

"Yes."

"Do you love her?"

"Yes."

"Then I think you should leave." I can't look at him. I don't know how I'm feeling and if he wants her then he needs to get out.

"John Paul, this is nothing. It means nothing, don't kick me out."

"It wasn't _nothing_, Craig. I want you to leave before I do anything else that I would regret." He would regret it.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

I left John Paul's that night with so many different thoughts in my head. What just happened? Did John Paul confess his feelings for me? As my head hit the pillow all I could see was images from tonight. I could still fell our lips touching.

I was woken up by my mum who insisted that I go downstairs and set up the bar for the day. My head was killing me. Hangovers are the worst.

"Rough night?" I looked up to see Spike smirking at me the other side of the bar.

"Yeah alcohol is not my friend." I did not want to look him in the eye.

"Is John Paul stopping by later?" What? Can't he just leave my mate alone?

"I guess. Not sure actually."

"I thought you two always knew where each other were." He smiled and walked away. I hate him I hate him.

"Hey you," Sarah said as she, John Paul, and Hannah walked in the door. I could not look at my best mate. "Tried to call you for breakfast but you never picked up. I was a little worried about you, Craig." She smiled and kissed me on the cheek.

"Oh you know, I just overslept. Needed it." I wiped off the countertop.

"We are going for a walk later if you two want to join," Hannah chirped.

"Hannah, they probably have other things to do," John Paul urged.

"No, we would love too, won't we Craig?" Sarah piped up.

"Yeah sure thing." John Paul suddenly looked up and our eyes met.

"John Paul, I have this new mix I think you will like," Spike said and he made his way over to our location.

"Oh nice one," John Paul said as he followed the man to the DJ booth. I instantly had a grimace on my face and my girlfriend noticed.

"What's that look for?"

"What look?" I tried to smile but I just couldn't.

"The look you have on your face as soon as Spike opened his mouth."

"I don't like him. Everyone thinks he so nice."

"I don't like him either," Hannah added. At least someone was on my side. We sat around chatting for about an hour. Then Sarah got up to go fetch John Paul for our walk.

"Alright boys, let's go and have a nice walk." She was clearly very excited for this.

Sarah put her hand in mine and I noticed Hannah did the same thing for John Paul. I had to stop thinking about him and put my focus on my girlfriend. Her hand felt warm and soft and she leaned her head on my shoulder. She smelt really good, a sort of combination between flowers and citrus. There was a beeping sound and she looked down towards her phone.

"Oy, just got a text from Nancy. She needs us, Hannah."

"Yeah got the same one. Sorry John Paul. Can I see you later?" She looked sad and I wish I felt bad but I didn't.

"Yeah, of course. Let me know if you need me there."

"Will do." She kissed him and then Sarah squeezed my hand and they left.

"So," John Paul said. "I better go then."

"Do you wanna do something? I figured since we're both out." I rubbed the back of my neck and forced myself to not seem desperate.

"Right sure. Wanna finish the walk then head back to the Dog for a round of pool?"

"Yeah sounds good." We walked for a while listening to the sounds of our breathing and the footsteps of people passing by. I did not know what to say to him and I'm guessing he did not know what to say back.

"So last night," I said. I couldn't stop thinking about it. We needed to talk about this.

"What about it?" Could he really not remember? Did it not matter to him? He didn't really look at me.

"Well are we gonna forget it ever happened?" I didn't know what answer I was hoping for.

"No because it did happen and we can't change the past but it was just the alcohol right? We just have to be more careful."

"More careful?"

"Yeah, you know. I think for the sake of our relationships we should just not stress over it."

"What about you not wanting to be with Hannah?"

"That's for me to figure out. I don't want to burden you with that."

"So is Spike just a friend then? Or is he the one you like?" I couldn't help it. I had to say what was going on in my head. He laughed.

"I don't know. I don't think so."

"Are you gay?"

"Craig, I am definitely not gay." Those words were clear.

"Alright, so well you wanna go play a round of pool?"

"Sure thing." We made our way to the bar without talking. Once we got to our destination, I grabbed us pints and we started to play the game. I was winning this round and notice John Paul's agitation. I saw him immediately calm down when my archenemy appeared.

"Who's winning?" Spike put his hand on John Paul's shoulder. I could feel myself tense up.

"Craig. He always wins." I couldn't help but smile at this.

"I bet I could take you down," Spike countered.

"Bring it on. Mate." The last word stung as I said it. The next round was me versus Spike. I knew I needed to win. To Spike it's a game; to me it's war. At first I was blowing it. I was distracted by the blond man in the corner.

"I think your game is a little off mate," John Paul smiled.

"Maybe it's just not his night," Spike added and with that he sank the last ball. "Don't worry Craig, we can't always win." My urge to punch Spike seems to escalate every time I am around him. "Beers are on me!" Spike added and John Paul gave him a pat on the back. The door opened and in walked Hannah. John Paul's face changed.

"Got your text. You said you wanted to see me." She smiled and kissed John Paul on the cheek.

"Yeah, let's go for a walk." I watched the two of them leave the bar. About ten minutes later John Paul came back without Hannah. "I ended it." He grabbed a pint and sat down in a stool.

"You ok, mate?" I ask.

""Yeah," he says as he finishes his beer. "I think I just wanna be alone."

"Sue thing. Let me know if you need me." I watch as he finishes his drink.

"Will do." He put down his empty glass then gave me a pat and walked out. I arranged to meet Sarah for a dinner when I felt my phone vibrate. I looked down to see a text from John Paul.

_Craig I really need to see you. Please come over. -JP_


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Just as I was about to respond to John Paul's text message my phone began to ring; it was my girlfriend.

"Hi."

"Craig, I'm with Hannah. I can't believe John Paul dumped her. Who does he think he is? Hannah's in bits!"

"I guess this means our dinner plans are cancelled."

"This is not a time to be discussing our relationship. I need to be with her right now. You should go to John Paul's and try to talk some sense into him." I had every intention of going over there but no intention of convincing him to be with Hannah. He was so unhappy with her.

"Alright Sarah. I'll check up on him." I hung up the phone, took a deep breath, and texted him back. In about ten minutes I was knocking on my best mate's door. He opened and his usual smile was replaced with an unpleasant grimace.

"Hi," he muttered.

"Hey, you ok?"

"Not really." I stepped into the house and he closed the door behind me. "There is something I need to talk to you about."

"OK," I said and sat in one of the stools at his table.

"I think I like Spike." This was not what I wanted to hear.

"So you're gay?"

"I don't know. I think so. I just know I like Spike and I don't know what to do."

"Do you want to date Spike?"

"I think I do. He just so nice and he completely gets me. He just has this smile and…Sorry I know you don't like him. What is your reasoning anyway?" My reason? I can't tell him the truth.

"I just think he's cocky and he's not all everyone thinks he is."

"Would you be terribly upset if I asked him out?" My breath caught in my throat.

"No, if it's what you want. Hannah's in bits you know. You might want to tell her that you prefer blokes before she catches you snogging one."

"Good idea. That's why you are my best mate." He laughed and hugged me. "And don't worry I won't try to snog you, again." He pat me on the back and walked over to the fridge. I felt myself starting to sweat.

"Yeah," I forced a laugh. "You better talk to Hannah tonight."

"Do I have to? She won't even want to be in the same room as me." I could tell he was becoming uncomfortable.

"As her friend you need to do this." I knew that it was the right thing to do. I wouldn't want it done to me.

"Thanks for the help. I better go round to see her." I nod and make my way out the door. I text Sarah and tell her that John Paul is headed over and then I walk back to the Dog and get ready for bed. So many thoughts are running through my head as I laid under the covers. I can't believe he wants Spike. He should want me.


	16. Chapter 16 JP

Chapter 16 (John Paul's Point of View)

I took a deep breath as I walked my way to Hannah's house. I tried not to act like it in front of Craig but I was terrified of facing my now ex-girlfriend. All she knows is that I broke her heart. Not that I have feelings for a man or that I think I might be gay. I knocked on her door and who opened it but Sarah, Craig's girlfriend. Her face turned cold when she saw I was the figure standing on the step.

"What do you want? You need to leave. She doesn't want to talk to you." At that moment, Hannah appeared behind her friend.

"No Sarah. I want to talk to him." Sarah rolled her eyes, grabbed her bag on the couch and then shoved her way past me. "Come in," Hannah stated weakly. I nodded and did as I was told. She closed the door behind me and I felt like the sound it made echoed in my ears for a while.

"Hannah, I came here to talk to you. I just want to explain myself."

"What did I do wrong John Paul? I can change. I promise!" She pleaded with me. We sat on her couch and tears filled her eyes. I didn't want to look at her in fear that I would take her back because I felt bad. That wouldn't be fair to her.

"Hannah, it is nothing you did. It's me. There is something you need to know."

"Is there another woman? It's ok if you have made mistakes." She seemed to be getting more desperate and was practically on her knees begging me.

"I think I am gay." I said this all pretty much directly into the carpet, not wanting to see her face.

"What?" I looked up to see a smile on her face. "You are not gay. You are most definitely not gay. We had sex. You like girls." She seemed to be scolding me. "If you didn't want to be with me that's one thing but making up a completely ridiculous story..."

"I am gay!" I interrupted her. "I like blokes, men, not women." I knew this was harsh but I didn't know how else to tell her. I looked up at her and her eyes had welled up with tears again.

"How could you do this to me?!" she practically screamed. "You lied to me. You are not the John Paul I thought I knew. Get out!" She pointed toward the door. I nodded and ran out. I could hear her sobs as I walked down the street. I am a terrible person. I hurt her so much. I don't deserve happiness. Not with a person like Spike or someone else. But of course there is no one else. Right?

I made my way to the Dog in hopes of seeing Craig. I sit at a table outside and then I hear y name being called. The voice is familiar but it is not Craig's.

"John Paul. What's wrong? Why do you look unhappy?" Spike walked to me.

"Just talked to me ex."

"So you finally broke up with Hannah." How could he know this?

"Yeah."

"And you came out as well?" I turned to look at him astonished.

"Yeah I did actually." He smiled and before I knew it he leaned in to kiss me. His lips were nice and warm and I felt very happy; happier than I ever felt with Hannah. At the moment I did not realize that the curtains of a window on the second floor of the building were pushed aside and I familiar face witnessed the entire occurrence.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

I woke up in the morning and felt that my room was rather stuffy so I went to open the window. I pulled the curtains aside and set my gaze on two figures on the patio. I squinted my eyes to focus and I saw that it was my best mate and that awful DJ. They were kissing. I felt a pang in my stomach so hard that I almost felt punched. I quickly moved away from the window in hopes that I wasn't noticed. I took a few breaths then looked back and saw that they were gone. Where did they go? I felt like I had to know so I got dressed put on my jacket and headed at outside. I didn't know where to look. They weren't in the Dog. I headed down the street and was stopped when I heard my name. I turned around to see Sarah; she never looked angrier.

"Craig, John Paul is the most rude person I have ever met. I can't believe he did that to Hannah. He just told her he is gay. How could he lie like that to Hannah?"

"Sarah, he didn't lie. He is gay."

"How would you know?" She practically glared at me.

"I um, he told me." He wouldn't lie to me.

"I can't believe it." She seemed to act a bit more normal. "I just wasn't expecting it. Are you two ok?"

"Yes, of course why wouldn't we be?" I was starting to sweat. "Just because he's gay doesn't change anything. He's still my best mate."

"Proud of you Craig. I knew I fell in love with you for a reason." She smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Love you too."

"I just don't know how I feel about all this. John Paul is a friend but Hannah is my best mate and I can't be kind to someone who hurt her."

"Sarah, their relationship and even friendship are none of our concern. Let them handle it. You should not be mean to John Paul when he finally feels comfortable being himself."

"Craig, I'm really impressed. John Paul is blessed to have a mate like you." I smiled at her and could not believe what I was saying. She then put her hand in mine as we began to stroll down the street. As we turned a corner we stopped and I put my hand on her face, touching her soft cheek and stroking her hair. She leaned in and we kissed. Her lips were soft as usual. She then pulled back and her expression changed when she focused on something in the distance. I turned around to follow her gaze and saw two men in the alleyway. It was John Paul and Spike. They were kissing; more like making out. Sarah froze and uttered his name. "John Paul." He stopped and turned to look at her. Fear coated his face. Spike looked to John Paul and backed away and headed towards the Dog.

"Sarah, please," John Paul whispered. He seemed to be shaking. Sarah backed up and walked away from us in a hurry. "Craig," he said and approached me. "I didn't mean for that to happen. I didn't want you to see that. I'm so sorry Craig."

"Come here," I told him. He smiled at me through teary eyes. "I'm so glad you are my best mate. I don't deserve one like you." When he said this I backed up. He's my best mate and that is all he is. Nothing more. "What is it?" he asked me.

"Are you two together?" I didn't want to look at him.

"Yes, I think so."

"Alright." I turned around to go. Knowing that he was with another man hurt.

"Wait, where are you going? Are you mad with me too? He's a good guy, Craig, I promise." It was as if he was begging me to understand. I took a deep breath and turned to face him.

"I'm happy that you're happy." I forced a smile and I saw him relax.

"Thanks mate. Would you want to come over? I could really use a distraction." I could use one too. I did not want to think of John Paul putting his lips on anyone but me.


End file.
